fond but not in love

Tonight was the most enjoyable night I've had in a long while. Well, tonight in truth mainly consisted of "in a long while's"'s-- it's the first I've talked to him like that in a long while, the most fun I have had with him in a long while, the most we've been together in a long while. I miss days like this when we could shamelessly talk and laugh with each other, I miss these Tulare get togethers, I miss these old faces. However, I can't say that he is once more the object of my affection, because I know he isn't-- maybe I'm just exaggerating our time spent together, and maybe I'm the only one at the halfway point, but that's really ok, because at least we can say we're both over it. And I know that tonight signifies the end of an era because I know we're going to revert right back to how we were. But again, that's ok. I've already dropped all expectations and I'm a girl who thrives off of memories and daydreams, anyways. The only thing I regret is not staying longer than I did.

It may be really gay of me to say, but I guess you never do forget your first love. He was definately not my lover by any means-- I did not love him, and he did not love me-- but regardless, he was the closest to love, or what I interpret to be love, that I have ever experienced. But the most essential conclusion I should acknowledge is that I had a great time tonight, and that's all I need to get out of it.
I still have icing on my face and I'm pretty fond of the revolting tan on my feet now.

Anyhow, this romantic urge to spend a night at the beach has been tugging at me for some time now. Summer is at the door-- the days are getting hotter and longer, there seems to be an irritatingly excessive amount of sunshine, and I now often wake up in a pool of my own sweat. I highly dislike summer. Maybe if I could somehow catch that "summer boyfriend", then maybe it won't be so bad this year because at least I'll have someone to spend it with. But I know. He knows. And everybody else knows that it aint' happenin', haha. Still, I'm dying to spend that night wrapped in a blanket in front of a bonfire, resting my head on the shoulders of somebody I care differently for. HAHAHAHAH. I hate how gay I can be sometimes, but hey, what can I do or say to justify it?